Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
