I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
