At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
