WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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