Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
