I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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