Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
