i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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