Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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