I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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