and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
