True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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