Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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