i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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