I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
