2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
