scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
