I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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