The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
