im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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