I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
