You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
