I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
