Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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