I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jerry, you need to find god
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
