Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
