I am puke
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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