Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
