Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i barfeds in our rink
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
