Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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