i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
