thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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