When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
