FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
