what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
