His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
