Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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