final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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