The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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