Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
