you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
