I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
