is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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