At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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