Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
