Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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