If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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