All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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