I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
