I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just want to make out with him forever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed