I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We named our party play list daddy issues
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm both gender and math confused
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
