he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
