my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
