you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
