oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
