Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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