you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
