im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
