I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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