Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You are a genius and a whore.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
