$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
