Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
