i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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