Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
