So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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