You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
